It is officially the first of the year and my how things have changed. 

I’ve sat staring at a computer screen for what feels like forever, attempting to write about the triumphs and tribulations of a year that has ended and the hope and promise of the year that has begun.

This is probably my most difficult post.

Every year I am in awe of the changes that occur in my life. Every December I sit back and recollect on the last eleven months, mentally thumbing through memories, both good and bad. Every year I feel like a different kind of person. And every year I make this statement: This year has been the most challenging year of my life.

2011 was life altering. 

It was a year of consistent change. I lost everything from weight to friends and gained an entirely different world. I felt immeasurable pain and infinite devotion. Relationships I thought were impenetrable somehow withered away. People I never fathomed of losing have been at a loss to me. And the numbing torment of that emptiness is a constant reminder.

I fell in love.

The most intense and indescribable kind of love. With someone not even the man of my dreams could measure up to. I never truly believed I would ever be able to say that. I’d given up. But maybe the was the key, giving up. And as unconventional as we’d started, we have an unconventional kind of love. Who ever knew that a best friend and a boyfriend could be one in the same?

I made no resolutions this year.

I want to go about life as it comes, without making empty promises to myself. I know there will be struggle. I know there will be strain. But 2011 emotionally kicked my ass, in the worst and best way possible. And I survived it. 

To those I’ve gained and to those I’ve lost: I love you, with all of my heart, despite and in spite of the past, present and future. 

May your years be blessed.