Posts tagged love

His smile is like the tickle of an orgasm, humble in its approach but wild in delivery. Some days that’s all it takes, just the glimmer of his eyes and the tease of his smirk to have my heart melt with satisfaction. I find myself lost in whimsical pursuit of his affection, yearning for his covet, crimson with desire. His touch itself is the taste of sin, like vice lacking regard for virtue. The feel of his breath warm and heavy against my skin leaves me senseless with reverence. And that kiss of his, oh how to explain such bittersweet sensation, the feel of lingering sunlight on a brisk springtime afternoon.  Countless times I’ve found myself slain in his arms, a massacre of beseeched adoration. How feeble my heart lies amidst his palm, clasped against the grip of envy. He who has captured me and yet, somehow, I am liberated.

Sometimes I convince myself that I’m in need of religion. Other times sex can do the trick. Then there are moments like these, moments when I feel absolutely insatiable. And although they are fleeting, these transitory occurrences seem to happen more often than not. I’m in a constant search for fulfillment, invariably disappointed by my lack of sustenance. I’m a sinner craving for the appetite of a saint yet loitering amidst the hunger of infidelity. I can’t recall the last time I felt whole, but merely the essence of an emotion I’ve since longed for. This yearning, a burning desire relishing inside me, chars the very edges of my heart. Life has never felt more disastrous, love has never seemed so bare and faith has since lost reprieve. 

My heart feels empty, lost in this faithless world, trying to find religion. How did I lose so much of myself? I’m constantly battling thoughts of salvation, begging for mercy in the palms of foreign hands. I once found conviction in your arms, now you’ve since betrayed me. What is there to believe in anymore? Faith is nothing but treason on the heart, malice in its deception of such gullible benevolence. And I have been just as foolish, mindfully tactful in a pursuit for creed but blind to its sedition. To think, all this time I’d convinced myself we were making love.

It was the last thing I savored on your tongue
That left a bitter taste in my mouth the next morning
The scent of misuse and intoxication
It was almost blissful
What I can remember
The serene notion of uninhibited passion
The flow of bodies moving on intuition
It was something like a reflex
No thought could interrupt
The last thing we wanted to do was think
To poison the moment with guilt and dread
We used everything but our minds
It was animalistic
Unrestrained or subject to verdict
Like a feasting of needs
Devouring the inner cores of one another
Diving too far into the abyss
We found ourselves drowning
Somewhere in the midst of drunk love
Inebriated by the nostalgia of thoughtless retribution
Sensitive to the desires of our aching bodies
Yet tactless in the way we satisfied each other
We had no boundaries
No margins to conform this inclined high
It was like magic
Outgoing and savage
Consummated by the thrill of sobriety
Fleeting fervor savored in memories
Influencing only this kind of impulse
Found only at the bottom of a bottle
In the eyes of a stranger
In the bed sheets of untangled nightly lovers

He was simple
A less complicated way of escaping reality
His touch routine
Like all the others
Trivial and flawed
But he hit where it needed to hurt
Like a momentary lapse of judgment
A necessary healing
The kind of fix that leaves you feeling broken
And a little empty inside
But it’s a better feeling than lost
Because for a moment you know exactly where you are
Maybe it’s the wrong place to be
Maybe it’ll never be right
But it’s a different kind of feeling, numbing
Instant gratification that makes you lose your mind
And then you end up back where you were
Misplaced
But at least you were satisfied
Even if it was just for that single moment