Posts tagged memory

His lips were stained with the sour taste of bitter
Every so often tainted memories would come spilling out
Like toxins
A regurgitating form of venting
His words poured out his heart onto a tarnished platter
Overcome with confined resentment
Disdain overshadowing any sense of mind
He had been hurt
And that’s the only way he could describe it
With a festering anger
Ready to pounce on the next soul bold enough to want to love him
So he could only love back half-heartedly
With the half of his heart too scared to feel that pain
One foot lingering just outside the doorstep
Waiting on the right thing to go wrong

I often have trouble with words

Not in their sound

But in the way that they perform

They frequent misconception

Recurrent moments of misunderstanding

Toneless through text

But with the tendency to tinge volumes

Either way coming out misconstrued

Because in the recollection of future histories

It’s these words that remain remembered

Out of context

As simple run ons that ran on

The before and after’s withering past thoughts

And all we’ve memorized are these specific instances

That specify definite words we recall

In isolation their definitions faulty the memory

But I just can’t remember the rest of what you said

So I piece together separately

Each and every word you denoted

Passively passing pathos in every sense

Or maybe I put too much value in your word?

It’s all you gave me anyway

Today they mean the world

But tomorrow they are nothing but terms

Somehow losing expression

At a loss of meaning, significance

In time becoming recollections of momentary value

Exponentially subsiding into irrelevance

Words are just words after all

This room is silent with regret. The hint of mental music cascades across the empty space of what once held our memories, now shadowed with weeping solitude. Screenshots of happiness loiter here, like daunting recollections of thoughts and emotion. Of passion. Our hands clenched, lips locked and hearts pressed against walls that still keep our secrets. The scent of love sweeps across tussled bed sheets and rests on the reminisce of lingering heartbreak. Whispered words are carried away by a sudden breeze of meaningless, brisk and imprudent, a dawdling allusion of our brash foolishness. We said goodbye to forever just so we could spend today together.

somewhere lost between faith and reason

hope stops me dead in my tracks

but this time it’s no friend of mine

i always catch myself in a mess

so i wear ribbons as reminders

for all the things i tend to forget

not what you meant to me

but rather all the mistakes i made with you

so i keep the memory tied to me

making sure every transaction has a reciept

because my accountant doesn’t like russtling through memories

The tempo starts low, the sound is slight. I can feel the beat intensify, pounding heavy against my chest. My hands tremble at the recollection of your fingertips drawing themselves against my palms, clasping and weighty on my heart. Suddenly we’re dancing in harmony to the composition of lies and broken promises, lost in endless conversations that led to something more profound than heartache. Your voice is a whisper between rhythm and rhyme, elusive, just like your reflection. Memories strain this tranquil ballad, leaving the tease of your kiss to linger amidst these sonnets. The melody fades, like a trance, with the pulsing high of a crescendo left stirring in my veins.

Sometimes the words you used to say find themselves in the lyrics of songs we’d play when we made love. Now these memories are bittersweet and haunting, making their way into moments when I’m trying to forget you the most. And I almost feel bad for him when he takes credit for the pleasure he thinks he sees in my smile. I could lay in his arms the countless hours of a lifetime reminiscent of your touch, nostalgic for your taste. So long as I am consumed in your memory, I am content with your absence.

The song was haunting. A melodic chronology of what once was you and me. I can hear the tune echoing in the background of every moment we’d ever shared. This pleasant harmony of a love gone astray somehow having turned into misery’s affair with lust.

Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard.

It was the lyrics of our passion that kept us together, it was our words that drew us apart. Yet with every interlude we somehow found ourselves in refrain, singing the verses of reprise. And though our emotions danced to the rhythm of heartbreak, we’d hit repeat just so we could find ourselves falling back in love with our own tragedy.

It seems as though these days you’re all I can think about. Your haunting memory takes over me like a tidal wave. Your ocean blue eyes capture me like a heavy burden that weighs down on my intrinsic soul. I find my thoughts running away with images of your smile, your seemingly palpable touch and the scent of you that lingered behind as you walked out the door.

I wish I was better in the moment with my words. I wish I knew how to say how much I didn’t want you to leave, how I would’ve rather had you stay. I wish I knew how to say all the words I knew you needed to hear. I wish I had the courage to run after you. I wish I had.

I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head…

At night I find myself reminiscent of the daylight

Nostalgic of the busy feeling that keeps my mind preoccupied

It’s the furthest away I could ever seem to get from you

But with the sunset comes your recollection

With the calm come these memories

And suddenly I’m stuck feeling suffocated

Trapped by your faint fantasy

I wish there was something real about you

Something worth holding on to

You were nothing but damaging, you were a mess

The sort of chaos I found comfort in

And it was within your bedlam that I lost myself

Every now and again, sometimes more often

I can’t seem to find myself anywhere else

But in the thought of what it used to be like

Having you, in all your disorderly

A maze I could never conquer

But somehow you had me all figured out

How to maneuver your hands, how to contrive your words

A lingering kiss that could keep me holding on to nothing

I’d become a casualty of addiction

One call, one touch, one kiss away from relapse

When I gave you up, it was for my sake, my sanity

1 a.m. and this feels nothing like a fading memory.

Remember when you said “this’ll only hurt a little bit”? Yeah, well, you lied. 

And it took countless years and heartaches to realize it.

If it wasn’t you then it had to be someone else, and this heart of mine was too frail and angry to let the memory of you subside.

So instead, I dove in. Heart first because my mind knew better. Drowning. Deep in some far away abyss where only heartbreak loiters.

If it wasn’t you then it had to be someone else.